Snow Day!

Apparently the weather got in the way of Weight Watchers this week.

I’ll be honest; I didn’t mind.

After last week’s frustrating and unaccountable gain, there was no way I was going to be a “good” girl on my birthday weekend. I ate what I wanted and didn’t track anything for at least half the week. I certainly didn’t follow my leader’s advice about cutting not only 5 daily (she suggested 10) but also all of my weekly discretionary points. Was I being stubborn? Absolutely. Did it pay off? Maybe not in the weight department, but I really truly enjoyed my weekend away. It was definitely worth it.

After blowing off the weekend, it was easy to start saying “We’ll start again when everything resets on Thursday.” Which is what we did. We drove over to the meeting fully intending to see gains on the scale. It was expected, so we didn’t worry too much about it. That’s when we saw only two cars in the parking lot, drivers still in them, talking to each other. They left about the time we determined that our leader hadn’t made the hour trip to come see us. It was honestly a bit of a relief. It was a blown off week that we didn’t have to account for.

A freebie, if you will.

So, off we went to the grocery store, where we stocked up on fruit, sandwich fixins, a dozen donuts and some ice cream. Um, oops?

Last night I didn’t care. I had a couple of donuts, didn’t touch the ice cream and was perfectly blasé about the whole weight loss thing. I knew, in the back of my mind, that it was still important. I knew that I should pay more attention to what I was eating, but I honestly couldn’t care less.

This morning I woke up – both literally and figuratively. I knew what was happening. I didn’t have to be accountable for my “bad” week, so I was extending my carefree and negligent attitude into the new week. Why be good if I didn’t have to be accountable? Why not skip tracking for another week and blame whatever gain I had on the birthday weekend away? The ladies at the Weight Watchers scale wouldn’t know the difference. I could just say I expected this gain and get back on track next week.

But that’s how we fall off.

We expect a gain, so we avoid having to be accountable for it. So then we don’t improve anything and the last thing we want is to have to be accountable for it later. So we come up with an excuse to miss again. The next thing we know, we’ve gained back the 30+ pounds that we’ve lost and our self-loathing knows no bounds. We gain more… again.

Weight loss isn’t about numbers. It’s not about what size you are. It’s about making healthy habits and sticking to them. It’s about picking yourself back up immediately. Not next week, not tomorrow, not at the end of the day… in the very next moment. It’s about acknowledging weakness and moving on.

I knew I had to be accountable, at least to myself.

So, I got dressed in the exact same clothes I intended  to wear for weigh in last night and I stepped on our scale at home. The number on the scale didn’t matter to me. I just needed to know that I could face it.

And I lost a pound.

Now, there are several factors that could play into that loss. I was weighing at the beginning of the day, with nothing in my stomach or in my system. So, I acknowledge that it wasn’t a consistent weigh in. I most likely didn’t really lose much, but it was significant to me that I also didn’t gain much. I was about to throw away another perfectly good week because I hadn’t wanted to be accountable.

After all, it doesn’t matter to the ladies at the Weight Watchers table if I’m honest with myself.

But it sure does matter to me.

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9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cynwise
    Feb 11, 2011 @ 09:45:59

    Back on the wagon with you! *whipcrack*

    Reply

  2. Disciplinary Action
    Feb 11, 2011 @ 09:55:48

    Today is the first day of the rest of your life! And I hope you both are moving forward and feelin’ good 😀

    Reply

  3. Morynne
    Feb 11, 2011 @ 10:02:50

    Been there.

    I’m doing the Online thing only, and after a botched day, or weekend I feel so guilty — but what I’ve noticed is that as soon as I start holding myself accountable to what I’ve done, I feel better, and I start thinking about all the clothes I fit in better than I did. It’s only been about 5 weeks on WW for me, and the habit building is the hardest part to the whole thing — and not succumbing to the whole quart of ice cream in the freezer. And hey, as long as you get back on the wagon, right? You’re allowed to have a good Birthday.

    Reply

    • fynralyl
      Feb 11, 2011 @ 10:34:02

      And it was a fabulous Birthday! You are totally right. If we force ourselves to be honest with ourselves and determined to move forward, it does amazing things for how we feel. Guilt can be a motivator, but it doesn’t hold a candle to determination and positive reflection of what we’ve accomplished!

      Reply

  4. Trackback: Gibizz News » Snow Day!
  5. Gaye Robison
    Feb 11, 2011 @ 13:51:44

    Great Blog.

    Reply

  6. Celticlibrarian
    Feb 11, 2011 @ 15:31:00

    I give mad props to you for the wake up call and getting on the scale! Bravo! You guys are doing something wonderful for yourselves and that is just fantastic to witness through these blog updates.

    Reply

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