Am I Afraid of Success?

Or just lazy?

Last week I hit a pretty significant mini-goal in my weight loss journey, by reaching a loss of 10% of my starting weight. Not only is it recognized by Weight Watchers with recognition and a key chain to put all your other goodies on, but it’s also widely acknowledged by the medical field to be the point at which many health benefits of weight loss kick in.

And what do I do? I immediately stop tracking.

The only two days I tracked at all during this last week have been Thursday and Friday. Then the weekend hit and I haven’t looked at my tracker once. Even worse? I ignored many of the healthier changes I had made. No, I didn’t order grilled chicken, I got fish and chips! I didn’t stick with chips and salsa… I got queso.

So did a little bit of success go to my head? Make me think I didn’t need to be as careful? Did I get lazy and just not want to care about what I ate for a week? Or is a part of me afraid of success? Intellectually, I know all the reasons to keep losing weight and stick to the program. I know how important it is for both Jason and I to achieve our goal weights. I know all of this.

And yet I sabotage myself.

I have to wonder at times like this what’s wrong with me. Am I so afraid of success that I’m a willing participant in my own failure? If so, why? I’m the last person to try to pretend I’ve got it figured out. There are a lot of things I don’t understand about my own psyche. But I have to wonder if I’m afraid of success because I assume that I will ultimately fail. Or if I do succeed, it will be to step from one pressure (to make the changes) right into another. There will be expectations, not just from myself but also from others, to maintain my weight loss.

Or is this all in my head?


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. strumpet101
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 09:51:14

    I think reaching such a big mile-stone almost takes your breath away. It’s almost like your body is breathing one huge sigh of relief. Kind of liking making it to the top of the hill and taking a breather before commencing on the next bit of the climb. It’s a process. There are steps. Relax, get your bearings, enjoy the mini-break you’ve had, and get back to climbing.
    Congratulations on your 10% goal!! You’ll get there!


    • fynralyl
      Mar 02, 2011 @ 09:54:29

      Aww! Have I told you how awesome you are? That’s a really great way of looking at it and is probably what’s going on. Sometimes I really do think I’m going crazy with some of the ways I backpedal. But to look at is as reaching a summit, or even a rest along the trail is really great.


  2. Gaye Robison
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 10:07:10

    ditto Strumpet101


  3. Disciplinary Action
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 10:10:21

    I agree with Strumpet; no shame in having a bit of a relax in there! Just let it happen and get back in the ring. Next stop: Halfway to the goal line! 😀


  4. Trackback: If You’re a Slack and You Know It… « The Chubby Couple
  5. Cynwise
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 10:29:51

    A little bit of release is good for you. This isn’t about hitting the goal and staying there – it’s getting yourself on a good trajectory for a healthier you. And you’re on that trajectory!

    As my dad tells me: own your successes, ignore your failures. Don’t worry about the last few days; they were a break. Get back on the wagon and keep going!


  6. Trackback: Sweet Spot, Where Are You? « The Chubby Couple

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