So I Gained… Again

I am so failing at this.

I’m really frustrated that even when I think I’ve had a pretty good week, I step on the scale and it doesn’t show. In fact, it’s not even that I don’t have a loss, it’s that I gain. I’m struggling to lose the weight I’ve gained after the holidays, let alone lose what I had gained during them.

I know that part of it is that I’m not 100% on plan. I don’t always track everything. I have small indulgences. I certainly know that there are ways that I can increase my effort to get better results, but it still feels like I’m having to work extra hard to accomplish anything.

My issue is that while I’m struggling, Jason seems to at least be doing ok. It didn’t used to be this way. I know that men in general lose weight faster than women, but I used to have a 20 pound lead on him because I was totally kicking butt on this weight loss thing. Do you know what that lead has narrowed to? 0.2 pounds. That’s right, over the course of just a few months, I’ve gained enough (when he’s stayed close to the same) that he’s about to surpass my weightloss.

  • Jason: -1 (-47.8 total)
  • Jenny: +1 (-48 total)

I know this isn’t a competition, but the numbers still deflate me. I’m so mad that I have to work so much harder to see results  in the last few months than I did for over a year before. Something has changed. Something is not right. It’s pissing me off.

And it’s making me horribly depressed.

We all know what depression does for weightloss, right? The reasonable part of me knows that I don’t really want to quit. The rebellious part of me says if I’m going to gain weight anyway, I may as well enjoy the food. It’s getting harder and harder to fight that rebellious side.

There’s nothing I can do, but fight it. So, I’m tracking. I might be the worst person in the world to live with while I force myself to stay on plan to avoid more gains, even if the losses are tiny, but it’s all I can do.

I have some suspicions of what might have changed that has suddenly made it so much harder for me to lose weight. As I mentioned in my introductory post a year and half ago (it’s also mentioned in my About Jenny page), I have PCOS. Something that’s pretty typical for women with PCOS is that it’s ridiculously easy to gain weight and even harder to lose it. It has a lot to do with hormonal imbalances that are usually treated by being on birth control. Most normal women will put on a little weight when they go on birth control. Women with PCOS have a tendency to do the opposite because the estrogen helps balance out the hormones to create a closer to normal level.

I stopped taking birth control pills around Thanksgiving. There are a lot of reasons why I was resistant to going on birth control to begin with, namely that Jason and I would at least like to have a possibility of getting pregnant. Even without that, I have strong concerns about birth control being linked to certain types of breast cancer. Since I have family on both sides that have had breast cancer, I want to limit my risk as much as possible. I know that most doctors say there is no link, but I don’t believe it, and I can’t get it out of my head every time I take one of those little pills, that I might be increasing my risk. Science or psychology, I don’t feel comfortable doing it.

My doctor was fine, and in fact in favor, of my going off of birth control. She wanted to see if it’s what I would need to normalize. Reset to zero, I guess.  I don’t know if it’s working, especially with my stalled out weight loss, but I know I don’t want to go back on birth control (see aforementioned paranoia). I have an appointment with my doctor next week, and I’m hoping I can talk to her about pursuing other options to get me back on track losing weight without going the hormone route. We’ll see if she has any ideas.

In the meantime, all I can do is either give up, or keep plugging away. And you all know my answer to that:

Back to tracking and hoping for the best (or at least the ok).


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cynwise
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 09:38:54

    Talk to your doctor about your concerns w/r/t birth control. Hormones really can screw with your weight! It’s okay to be frustrated with setbacks!

    (Just keep plugging away, keep tracking, stay the path, you know it works.)

    Keep on going, Fyn!


  2. Robyn Denise (@frosted_miika)
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 09:50:45

    *Big Hugs* I’ve had a REALLY hard time getting back into things now that i really only have another 10-15 to lose. And honestly, the closer you get to your goal the harder it is to lose because you really need to be focused and need to be on the plan as much as possible. Not being on it 100% really shows sometimes (which sucks.. trust me). If you have a lot to lose, the first chunk is the easiest.. my leader has told our group that over and over.. sometimes its just looking at what you’re eating every day and making changes, for example.. a dinner might be 10 points, but of those 10 points.. are their healthier options you can make?

    I know I had a couple weeks when I was first on WW where I was up and down for probably a month and a half and was pissed because I just couldnt get over that freakin’ hump. I even brought in my tracker for my leader to look at, and ya.. some days I didnt track my whole day.. I wasnt exercising.. so there was reason to why i was up and down. Don’t know if you’re the same or not and everyone is different, but to lose you really need to do the program 100%.. thats why it is designed the way it is. Think about it like a raid/flash point boss. There are certain mechanics to beat a boss.. if you don’t do those things, you wont down him right? Wow.. i feel like a dork saying something like that.

    If you’re frustrated (which, clearly you are), I would suggest taking a week off.. de-stress.. compose yourself and next week make a decission.. if you want to lose weight (and you know you can do it because you have done SO awesome already) get back on that pony.. and ride the shit out of it!

    I think I kind of rambled.. but I hope you know what I mean by it all.. you know you can do it, you just need to step back and compose yourself and think. *more big hugs*


  3. Vidyala
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 09:52:05

    PCOS is so frustrating, isn’t it? As a fellow PCOSer, I empathize completely. I’ve read statistics that depression rates among women with PCOS are 3x higher than the ‘normal’ average, and it’s not hard to see why. There have been times when I complain to Voss how unfair it is – that my body is resistant to losing fat, that it’s able to make fat so easily from excess carbohydrates, that my cholesterol is high even though I eat healthier than almost everyone I know. I’ve been diligently eating and exercising since January in order to lose 14 lbs (from my goal of 40) and then just in one week when it was my birthday, I gained three back. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy. Each of those lbs was so hard-won, how can I gain them in a WEEK?

    Anyway, Jenny, I don’t mean to ramble on about myself at you except to say that I GET this. I didn’t like taking birth control either and haven’t been on it for about 8 years now. I still have to take progesterone every three months or so but it’s only for ten days and so the effects for me are more tolerable than BCP was. PCOS is demoralizing and stupid, but don’t forget how much success you’ve had already! You’ve come so far and are an inspiration. I’m always rooting for you.


  4. Moxie
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 10:18:47

    Jenny, I too am a PCOSer and PCOS is a cruel, cruel master. Whatever you do, don’t get discouraged. It may take you longer but you can and you will do this. 🙂

    My husband and I have been working hard to change our eating habits. We’ve gone mostly vegetarian (we eat meat now at most 2-3 times a week), and are focusing on eating tons of veggies with some whole-grains & a bit of low-fat dairy like yogurt & such… except for Friday nights, which is our indulgence night. 😉 After doing this for 3 weeks, I’m still fluctuating over the same 5 lb range that I normally do… which, considering how I was eating before, with tons of pizza, burgers, starbucks, etc, makes no sense. You’d think I should be shedding weight like crazy, but it’s not happening. I blame the PCOS and apparently a terribly sluggish metabolism. We’re going to start exercising more – apparently strength and weight training does wonders for women with PCOS.

    Focus on making healthy eating choices, exercise, and lowering your numbers like blood pressure, cholesterol, and so on. The weight will come off. I too hate taking birth control for the reasons you mentioned. It’s not like I need it to keep from getting pregnant (since if I don’t take it I don’t ovulate/have a period at all), so I’m torn. But I have to stay on it for now. I once went 2 years without a period and ended up with pre-cancerous cells. NOT a fun situation.

    You can totally beat this though… hang in there! You’ve been an inspiration to me and have helped me to get my (and my husband’s) health back on track. I’m totally cheering you on – you can do this!


  5. Gaye Robison
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 11:26:18

    Just keep tracking- just keep tracking – just know that you are loved anyway. What you have accomplished is amazing.


  6. sweetopiagirl
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 22:02:44

    Reblogged this on Inspiredweightloss.


  7. Angela Isola Maria
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 22:37:11

    it just plain sucks, doesn’t it? here in the states, the weather is finally starting to warm up significantly and i’m finding myself able to crawl out of the winter blues and exercise outside again…. oh, and track. that damn tracking thing gets me every time!

    don’t let the discouraging feelings get the best of you. you’ll do it on your own time. it’s taken me about 5 months to lose 10 lbs and i kept going up and down during the winter. one of my friends took 13 years to lose her 100 lbs. i’ve only lost around 47 lbs since Nov. 2010, so we’re right around the same lbs lost in the same amount of time. one day at a time tracking one thing at a time. you’ll do it!


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