Falling Off… and Getting Back On

We’ve talked before about the hiatus that lasted longer than it should have, but I don’t think I’d ever shared the numbers on how devastating that setback really had been for our weightloss. Part of moving forward is acknowledging the mistakes of the past and learning from them.

It all started with taking a holiday hiatus at the end of 2011. We had been so good and on track the previous holiday season, we just wanted to have fun and enjoy all the things we love about the holiday, especially my in-laws baking. It didn’t help that the plan had just changed on us (Points Plus) and we were uncomfortable with the larger number of daily points and new way of calculating that we couldn’t just do in our heads. Frankly, we were overwhelmed by the new system and taking a “holiday hiatus” was an easy out.

After the holidays, we tried to get back on track a few times. But then there was my birthday… an anniversary… a vacation… and a mouse invasion that left us without a functional kitchen for the rest of 2012. Behind all of this, there was the underlying lack of confidence in the new system. We hadn’t learned how to adapt it for what works best for us, and every time we tried to go back, it just didn’t click and we would get angry or frustrated and fall right back off.

2013 didn’t start much better. We didn’t really commit to getting back on plan. We kept trying for a week or two, get frustrated or distracted or busy and let it go. At the end of May, without really discussing it, I told Jason we were getting back on plan whether we were ready or not. I needed to get control of my life physically, mentally and spiritually and that meant deciding to bite the bullet and start doing all of the things I knew I needed to do anyway.

You see, I had a hard time coping with the shame and depression that resulted from the weight I had gained back in the course of that year and a half full of debacles and excuses. I was angry. I hated my body and didn’t want to put forth the effort if it was going to continually sabotage me. One of the effects of having PCOS is that it is incredibly easy to gain weight. When Jason and I first went on our hiatus in 2011, I had already lost 64.8 pounds and Jason had lost 51. We had been doing incredibly well and thought we would be fine taking a small break. After all, we had lost over 115 pounds together in our first year. Here’s the rub though. Because my body processes and stores extra food differently than most other people, I gained back three pounds for every one that Jason did, even though I ate better than he did during that same time. In a year and a half, he gained back 16.4pounds and I gained back a whopping 46.4. Yes, in a year and half, I had gained back 2/3 of what I had worked so hard to lose.

You’d be angry too, right?

It took me a while to stop being angry and to turn that emotional energy into determination. And that’s when I got serious. You see, I had to realize on my own, not by reading about it elsewhere, that my PCOS means I have to be in complete control over how much and what my body gets all the time. This isn’t something I can do casually, because even the littlest break will undermine everything I’ve done.

I’ve been in that place and I don’t want to be there again.

While I share this because I truly believe that being honest with yourself and others is the key to success, the main reason I share it is because I am so incredibly proud of Jason and what he has done over the last six weeks. While I am still re-losing the weight I had gained, he isn’t. In fact, he’s already eight pounds lighter than his lowest weight in 2011. We had previously been sharing only the totals since we got back on track six weeks ago, in large part because I was ashamed about what I had regained. Now we’re getting back to sharing our grand totals. You know why? Because they are actually pretty grand.

  • Jason: -2 (16.4 in last 6 weeks; 59 total)
  • Jenny: -3 (13.4 in last 6 weeks; 33.8 total)
  • Combined 92.8 lost

Like I said, I’m incredibly proud. Well done, love.

Advertisements

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Gaye Robison
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 15:12:59

    You should BOTH feel well-pleased with yourselves. BIG KUDOS šŸ˜€

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: